How Long?
I’m in a season of transcending and including, or in other words, growth. I’ve felt it was time to go through old journals, writing, and songs to sift for what still feels true. Over the last seven years, my life focus didn’t leave much room for writing. God has led me through a time of establishing the first half of life foundations that I missed out on and that I wasn’t able to provide my children when they were younger.
God gave us a beautiful home and we adopted a goofy greyhound named Vern who shares personality traits with each one of us that make us laugh all the time. We’ve planted fruit trees and gardens. I’ve learned much, wrestled with my shadow self more than I wanted to, and deconstructed a lot of religion that I previously felt sure of.
I did start to wonder if there would come another time in my life for creative expression with words and song. As a desire to write emerges again, I’m surprised and grateful.
Today I found this song I wrote and recorded 10 years ago in my room at the Spiritual Movement Center. I don’t remember the context in which I wrote it in terms of my life or journey. But it still rings true to me.
Even with all the beautiful experiences I’ve had with God, I still fall into the trap of going it on my own. And still, God gently calls me back to rest.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
How Long?
- Heather Celoria © 2015
All the nights
That I felt
I needed help
Are rushing back to me
So tired of taking care
Of myself
But I'm compelled
To say I'm all I need
All the days
Are so long
But it feels wrong
To call you home to me
How long?
How long?
Can I keep holding on?
How long?
How long?
Can I keep singing the same old song?
And still
I fear
When you come near
How long?
How long?
How can I let go
Of myself
How can I tell
That you won't leave me
Something holds on
Strong
To keep me alone
But it lies to me
Cause in your arms
I feel I belong
And it's not wrong
For you to carry me
How long?
How long?
Have I been holding on?
How long?
How long?
Have I been singing the same old song?
But now
You're here
I'm seeing
So clear
How long
How long
Just how long
How long
How long
How long